What Should I do About Priest’s Suspected Sexual Abuse

It’s been rumored that our parish priest has been abusing some of our boys. I’ve never believed it and always defended him. However, I recently went to do some business at the church and walked in to a very compromising situation. I saw the priest kissing and hugging a young boy. The door was slightly ajar. When I called out he looked visibly embarrassed. I could be wrong, but I’m almost sure that’s what I saw. And with all the scandal going on right now, I’m a little confused. I go to mass but find myself tuning off or walking out every time he comes to give the homily. As a mother with children, I feel bad. I wonder who else he might be taking advantage of. I want to question the boy or just tell his mum what I saw but I am almost sure whether I should. I don’t want to accuse anybody falsely or embarrass anybody. But I would hate to think that was going on and I did nothing. What should I do?

Confused parishioner

Dear confused parishioner

This is a very serious and ticklish issue. The church in the US and Ireland is currently reeling from sexual abuse scandals and there is no easy way to handle this. Sexual abuse can cause irreparable damage to the victims and cast a long dark shadow over the church. You do not want to do remain silent only to find out there’s a serious problem. At the same time you do not want to sound the alarm and discover there’s nothing sinister going on. Consequently, this matter cannot be prosecuted on just hearsay or mere suspicion.

You still seem a little uncertain about what you think you saw. I also suspect that none of the rumors about this alleged abuse has been substantiated. All you have at this point is just hearsay and suspicion. If however you feel so strongly about the matter, then for conscience sake, you may want deal with it and bring some closure to the matter. But before you go public with your allegations, you would want to ascertain the facts of the case.

First find out from the people talking about the alleged abuses whether they have any proof. If they don’t but feel equally strong about the situation and have reasonable grounds to believe that some misconduct is taking place, then I suggest that as a group, you go to your priest and discuss your concerns with him. Talk about what you’ve heard and what you think you’ve seen.

I would also suggest as well, that rather than question the boy that you talk with his mother about your suspicions. Let her speak with him about what might have happened. Inform her as well that you plan on discussing your concerns with the priest but give her at least an opportunity to report back to you.

It could be that nothing happened. If however, the abuse or violation occurred, then she may wish to pursue the matter independently or as part of the group.

Hopefully, your meeting with the priest will provide some answers. If it’s all a matter of hearsay and suspicion then he’ll clear the air and the matter can be laid to rest. Of course it might be a little embarrassing but that would be preferred to the damage and injury the rumors and allegations of sexual misconduct could cause to the priest, church and people involved.

On the other hand if there is admission of wrongdoing (or unsatisfactory resolution of the matter) then you will have to take the case to the Bishop. I would expect, contrary to the way that the church has traditionally dealt with pedophilia priests, that he would launch an inquiry into the alleged misconduct and take some serious disciplinary action against the priest and not just reassign him to another church, parish or diocese.

Up to this point, you would have done all you could do. There is a legal option that can also be pursued where abuse has occurred but that is a matter for the mother /parent of the abused victims to consider.